perhaps a greater character

tell me
something from your
dark and twisted past.

not sure if you’re ready for that.

i have a darkness.

do tell.

let’s just say
traumatic events seem to be
drawn to me and i just have
a tough time ignoring these as
signs of perhaps a greater
character flaw.

and this is the source
of your dark feelings.

scary stupid tormented
ones.

couldn’t be scarier than mine.

do tell.

let’s just say
as much as i hate to think
of being so afraid
so inhabited by terror that
the idea of ending beckons
like beautiful wonderful rest
i (breath.) can’t say there won’t be a day

when it won’t seem so bad.

right. but then
this is all a foolish conversation.

and why is that.

well
who said i was ever supposed
to be happy. (inhale.) or successful.
i’m just a very lucky
wholly arbitrary
zygotic rendezvous
searching for significance
reminding myself to savor
every last delicious breath
coming off your lips.

i think that’s your darkness.
that purposelessness.

powerlessness. purely and
irreconcilably lost.

then i guess I’m a fool
asking if this – my lips and all –
matter to you.

if there’s anything
i can believe in.
(inhale.)
(kiss.)
(sleep.)

telos

what is the soul
of a thing

painfully awake blood
vessels burning round
the retina the ceiling

so cold so utterly manufactured
processed slabs of concrete
welded together
a job for a job
for a job

and me the telos
busy in this staring contest
wasting my education away

pondering if it is wrong
for an animal to die
as if the flourishing oyster
isn’t drowning in joy

but here it is the rising
that fat sandy oyster weighing
down the scale lifting me up
beyond the ceiling through justice
and obligation each soul a
raging candle lighting the path

into the
battered and tattered mausoleum
i push aside the dusty skeletons
of atman and jesus
and snuggle up in between.

future equals bleak

that fucker
you just want to punch
in the nose like
whatshecontributing
to anything around here
just a smug self-interested
journeyman of motion
and (think!) that
fucker’s gonna have a
spouse someday goddamn
future equals bleak
i mean really
let’s not get all newagey
with our inculturalcated
medicated sense of mind
(goddamn pavlov pets)
thinking every soul has
a RIGHT TO LIVE life
to its fullest (or some
shit) i mean gimmeabreak
like those of us
in the ENLIGHTENED
world walk with any
HIGHER AIMS than to
do what mommy
and celebrityville says to do
(so let’s do it if it’s all we have)
but is it that is my question
is it is it really (so
i don’t have what you would
call a quoteunquote better idea)
if so then a philosophical sigh
followed by a magnanimous
watershed embrace of
arbitrary values
and you know what
i’ll STILL punch that dogshit
nodstoomuch beersucking
vomitgurgling revulsion
of a genuine human
every damn day of the week
allsicansayisbuhLEAK.

and smattered applause
and a sip of bottled water
and a thin wallet
and (fingers crossed)
a scintilla of pride.

the perch

but the surging sea
will at last rush out
the endmost of its
heart of fire
and the
heaving
tide of calm
and concord will
alight on the perch
and peace(burst
ingattheseams)fully
we will reign free
in nothing more
than brotherhood.

how i can lay here

how i can lay here
and love you

such that in this forsaken
drowse i close my eyes
but cannot sleep

and the burning in my
heart thrums each breath
from my nose
bringing the silence

disarrayed in the dark
imploring for the solace
of dreams

to (at last)
kiss you

and finally tell you
how lovely you are.