the tincture

they say life will start getting easier
but it gets
and it gets
and it gets some more
and it ends up in possession
of everything that has the capacity
to be gotten

and i’ve come to the realization
(a place some might call the precipice,
or the summit) that i have reached it.
i have ascertained
i have comprehended
i have evolved (so to speak) and
unwittingly become
abruptly displaced
constantly ajar
as if stuck somewhere falling
(with some broken-ass gravity)

but have no fear
i’m still right here
don't look up look around
and embrace that twinge of
discomfort that comes from
(FINALLY) questioning
look how high i am
up here i say
far away
swathed in ivory stone

but
you say i’ll quoteunquote
come back down (or whatever)
and somehow become
(what was it) happy
(happy yeah)
that i’ll somehow re-satisfy with
the way things are
skewed by me mister dark scanner
the shitty lens on this half-cooked
masterpiece
(IT IS WORTH IT
WE HAVE HEART DISEASE
AND IPHONES)

no no
the watershed, i fear, has come and gone
and a great stubbornness you exhibit in
agreeing on this point (sigh) so
i will go on hoping and hoping as long as i can
enduring (or whatever) as someone near to me
has called it
to keep on and keep trying and ENDURE
yesyes THAT is what i want to do
ENDUUUUUURE
(golly now this whole thing sounds sour)
i promise it’s not
i’m feeling a little lonely i suppose
i guess you could say
i’m simply uninterested in continuing
the cretinous manner with which i have
thus far engaged this poignant bazaar

that doesn’t mean that i'm packing
my bags (okay)
cause see i’m
weeping for this shit
i'm really trying but

i just
don’t really see a happy ending

sorry
i think one day
i just won't be
okay with this
state of suspension anymore
where i will finally acquiesce
and see (from the precipice)
there is only falling to be done
a refusal to grab on
or draw in the air around me

and sigh (inhale) my my
it is so fresh and beautiful up here.