heartache

in an ongoing existential crisis
aching just to laugh
to once more
find things funny
and electrify my brain
with the buzzing chatter
of the bobble head dolls
rolling around in sweating noise
and flesh
vomiting on each other’s faces
and hands

in a perpetual state of self-disappointment
aching just to smile
to once more
speak my mind and
then be understood
by the illiterate
mud-soaked hornets
flinging bibles at the writhing hive
and cross
vomiting in college bathrooms
and sinks

in an endless self-sung elegy
aching just to stop the world
to once more
ask them what they are doing
why they are running
why my heart never
races as quickly as theirs
throbbing alone in rhythm
and discord
vomiting in my restless sleep
and empty arms

but maybe this is all right,
maybe this lightly-broiled cacophony and
nauseating toxic potage
is what it’s all about.
and it’s all going to be just fine,
aching and aching and okay.